Taking Up Space: The Power of Stories and Why I Love Narrative Therapy

I’ve heard my whole life that I talk too much. It’s a comment that has followed me for as long as I can remember, creeping into my awareness at family gatherings, in social settings, and during professional moments. Over time, I internalized this idea, conditioning myself to monitor how much space I take up, measuring conversations for how long I’d been talking, and watching people’s reactions for signs of disinterest or impatience. I became hyperaware of the invisible timer ticking in every interaction, constantly questioning if I was overstaying my welcome in the conversation.

Recently, though, something in me shifted. I began to ask myself why I felt I had to shrink to make others comfortable. Why did I believe I wasn’t entitled to the same space as anyone else? That internalized pressure began to make me angry. And it was in the midst of that anger that I realized: I am entitled to my story. It matters. That affirmation changed everything for me, and it’s exactly why I fell in love with narrative therapy.

Stories Were Modeled for Me

Looking back, I think the seeds of this understanding were planted early in my life by my mom. She built her career—and her life’s work—on asking questions, digging deeper, and understanding people’s narratives. As a researcher and marketing professional, her work required her to truly listen to people, analyze their questions, and understand where they were coming from.

She didn’t just gather surface-level answers; she worked to uncover the whole story because she understood that narratives shape everything. The insights she gained from these narratives weren’t just about creating a product—they were about connecting to the human experience that underpins everything we do. Watching her do this throughout her career taught me the value of asking questions, listening deeply, and recognizing that every person carries a story worth hearing.

Her work wasn’t just professional - it was a reflection of a belief that understanding people’s stories makes us better. Whether we’re building relationships, products, or a better world, narratives are the foundation. That belief stayed with me, and it’s a core reason why narrative therapy feels so natural and meaningful to me today.

Why Talking “Too Much” Makes People Uncomfortable

There’s something deeply ingrained in our society that makes us uncomfortable when someone “talks too much” or “takes up too much space” - especially if that person is a woman. This discomfort seems to stem from a mix of cultural expectations, biases, and power dynamics that have been reinforced for generations. Women, in particular, are frequently caught in a double bind: speak too little, and you’re dismissed; speak too much, and you’re labeled as overbearing, self-centered, or even unlikable.

The idea that women should be seen and not heard - or at least, not heard too much - is a remnant of patriarchal norms that historically positioned women as passive, nurturing, and deferential. These expectations, though challenged and evolving, are still alive and well in subtle ways. A man who speaks at length may be seen as assertive, knowledgeable, or confident, while a woman doing the same is often seen as domineering or overly emotional.

The Roots of Discomfort

There are several reasons why society bristles when someone “talks too much,” particularly if that someone is a woman.

Our culture has conditioned us around gender roles. From an early age, many girls are taught to prioritize others’ needs over their own. They’re encouraged to listen, empathize, and support, often at the expense of sharing their own experiences. Boys, on the other hand, are more often encouraged to assert themselves and take up space in conversations. These early lessons shape our adult perceptions, making it seem “natural” for men to lead conversations and for women to hold back.

We fear vulnerability. When someone shares their story - especially in detail - it forces us to confront their humanity. This can feel uncomfortable for listeners who might not want to reflect on their own vulnerabilities or biases. A woman who speaks unapologetically about her experiences challenges us to see her as a full, complex person, which can be unsettling in a world that often reduces women to stereotypes or supporting roles.

Power dynamics are at play. In professional and social settings, women who dominate a conversation or assert their thoughts are often perceived as threatening to established hierarchies. Talking “too much” disrupts the unspoken rule that women should defer to others (especially men) and avoid taking up space that isn’t “theirs.” This discomfort isn’t just about the words being said—it’s about the challenge to the status quo.

We uphold a false ideal of "neutrality". In many spaces, the idea of “neutral” communication is treated as an ideal. People who speak quickly, succinctly, and without emotion are often viewed as more professional or competent. This standard disproportionately affects women, who are more likely to be criticized for showing emotion or using more descriptive, narrative-based communication styles. What’s often missed is that this so-called neutrality is inherently biased, favoring traditionally masculine ways of speaking while devaluing traditionally feminine styles of storytelling and connection.

Emotionally intense stories are perceived as threatening. Women’s stories are often full of nuance, detail, and emotion. This depth can make some listeners uncomfortable, especially in a culture that often devalues emotional intelligence and dismisses feelings as less important than logic. When a woman tells her story, she’s not just taking up physical space - she’s taking up emotional space, too. For many, this feels like an encroachment, not because it is, but because they’ve been taught to see emotions as a weakness or a distraction.

Why This Needs to Change

This discomfort with women’s voices—and the tendency to label someone who shares at length as “too much”—is not just a personal issue; it’s a societal one. Silencing women, or shaming them for speaking, perpetuates systems of inequality and robs all of us of the opportunity to hear diverse perspectives.

When women’s voices are diminished, so too are the stories that have the power to shape and change society. Every time someone tells a woman she’s “too much” or “takes up too much space,” they’re reinforcing the idea that her story doesn’t matter—or at least, that it matters less than others’.

Why Narrative Therapy Matters

This is where narrative therapy becomes a radical and transformative tool. It flips the script on societal expectations, prioritizing the storyteller and offering them a chance to reclaim their voice. In narrative therapy, there is no such thing as “talking too much.” Every word, every detail, and every nuance is honored as part of the story that shapes who you are.

By telling your story, you regain control over how it’s framed and understood. You’re no longer at the mercy of others’ interpretations or judgments. Instead, you get to re-author your narrative in ways that highlight your agency, resilience, and humanity.

The Power of Stories

Sharing your story is not just about taking up space - it’s about connection and healing. Stories bridge the gaps that assumptions and judgments create, allowing us to understand one another in deeper, more meaningful ways. Without stories, we’re left to fill in the blanks about others’ experiences, often relying on our biases to do so.

However, let's be clear: an explanation is not an excuse. Understanding the “why” behind someone’s behavior doesn’t mean excusing harmful actions. Instead, it’s about fostering empathy and insight, both for yourself and others.

Stories are powerful because they allow us to see one another fully. They challenge stereotypes, disrupt harmful narratives, and remind us of our shared humanity.

Taking Up Space

I’ve learned that taking up space isn’t selfish - it’s necessary. Women, especially, have been conditioned to believe that their stories don’t matter or that they’re taking something away from others by speaking. But the truth is, your story is your power. It’s how you connect, heal, and grow.

Narrative therapy taught me that my voice matters. It reminded me that telling my story is an act of courage and self-love. And it’s something I hope everyone reading this feels inspired to do, too.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too much” or that you take up “too much” space, I hope this reminds you that you’re not too much - you’re exactly enough. Your story matters. Take up space. Share it boldly. And know that in doing so, you’re not just healing yourself - you’re helping others to feel seen and heard, too.

Your story is worth telling. Let narrative therapy be the space where you reclaim it.